i dont know why…
why i went to your space,
why i checked all the comments,
why i read those words you wrote a few days ago under that diary,
why i went to your picasa album searching for your recent faces,
why i drowned myself in those OLD OLD emails again,
why i read them line by line, word by word,
why i found the cell phone number, the gmail account, and the password,
why i cared so much when fenchang told me that you are coming to shanghai in May,
why i …
until you add me in facebook where i seldom log in,
where, i see that you are "IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH" some pretty girl.
i begin to realize that,
it is just an illusion.
it is just all my imagination.
it is just because recently the Venus goes reversely and everyone can be easily FOOLED by the cupid.
it is just the SINGLE me starting "MISSING SPRING" in such beautiful weather.
it is just me who drown in the past so deeply that totally forget it’s gone.
but yes, it’s GONE.
i am just so stupid,
wasting my time picturing some scenes which will never happen.
i dont care who will read these words.
i just need a place to shout out loud,
because i am so angry with myself.
so upset with myself.
how funny, it’s none of your business,
it is me who go wrong a little bit,
it is me who have disturbed you.
but i wont, anymore. anyway. i think.
i am sorry.
eventually i’ve got out of this bubble and come back to my SEMICONDUCTOR PHYSICS.
now i will wake up myself,
live for the future, not the past.

3 thoughts on “I AM SUCH AN IDIOT

  1. cheer up! I want to tell you a sentence from an old book — 《诗经》:于嗟女兮,无与士耽。士之耽兮,尤可说也。女之耽兮,不可说也。


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